To Thine Self Be True
by ilovetvalot
Summary: Coda to "It Takes A Village". Part of the Shakespeare series. Rossi reacts to JJ's deceit. TWOSHOT
1. Chapter 1

_**/***NOMINATE, NOMINATE, NOMINATE YOUR FAVORITE STORIES AND AUTHORS IN THE SECOND ANNUAL PROFILER'S CHOICE CM AWARDS HOSTED BY CHIT CHAT ON AUTHOR'S CORNER FORUM! DON'T KNOW HOW? SEE AUTHOR'S NOTE AT THE END OF THIS CHAPTER!***/**_

**BIG ANNOUNCEMENT: In an effort to encourage our fellow authors and readers to take a moment and nominate their favorite fics and authors in the Profiler's Choice CM Awards hosted by "Chit Chat on Author's Corner", we will be offering two $10.00 Amazon gift cards to two randomly selected nominators. The only rule is that you must nominate in at least TEN categories! Winners will be announced October 16! So put on those thinking caps and NOMINATE!**

* * *

**To Thine Self Be True**

**Chapter One**

Pulling into the driveway of her townhouse, Jennifer Jareau killed the engine and stared at the darkened windows of her living room. Heart sinking in her chest, she swallowed hard.

He wasn't here.

She didn't know why she'd expected he would be. Not after today. A part of her had known this could happen. After all, she'd spent months lying to him…blatantly, but not without remorse. But she'd had no choice. But if she had known one thing about the man she'd fallen in love with, it was that he valued honesty above everything.

He was a direct man. Hell, if she was completely truthful with herself, she had to admit that he was almost dangerously blunt.

And she had intentionally deceived him.

Closing her eyes against the burn of her tears, she inhaled deeply. Thank God Henry was with her mother. At least she could go inside and lick her wounds privately without having to worry that she was completely ruining her child's life tonight. When her little boy's young mind realized that David Rossi was no longer going to be a daily part of his life, she knew that guilt might very well kill her.

But what choice had she had?

The State Department had made it abundantly clear that any lapse in protocol would reflect directly on her, making any deal with Emily Prentiss null and void. So, to save Emily's life, she'd kept her mouth shut.

And lost the only man that had ever made her feel truly loved.

Wiping her wet cheeks with a trembling hand, she forced herself to move, reaching for the door handle and forcing her tired body out of the vehicle. Steadying herself against the blue Prius, she stared up the cobblestone path at the front door. How many times in the last few months had she flown up that walkway, eager to see him...to share her day with him?

And now, those moments would only be reduced to fond memories of a time when she'd been happy.

Life wasn't fair or just; it's simply something to be survived, her mind whispered, her mother's words of wisdom echoing in her mind.

Forcing herself to put one foot in front of the other, she trudged up the path, blindly fishing her keys from her purse and unlocking the door. Closing it behind her, she leaned heavily against the wood, her eyes adjusting to the darkened house. Dropping her bag to the floor beside her with a soft thud, she felt tears threatening again as the silence settled over, suffocating her with its weight.

"You're late," a deep voice spoke from the inky depths of the room, shattering the quiet. "Get caught at the office crafting another intricate web of lies, JJ?"

Catching her breath as the familiar timbre of his voice washed over her, JJ blinked rapidly as David Rossi flipped on the lamp beside the recliner and stared into her shocked face.

"Dave!" she exclaimed, pressing a shaking hand to her chest as his accusing gaze settled on her. "I thought..."

"You didn't expect me, huh?" Dave asked from the chair, unmoving. "I took a cab here. I'd had a few too many of these," he said with a humorless snort, raising his half filled glass of scotch from the table beside him, "to risk driving tonight."

Taking a faltering step into the living room where he sat, JJ searched for a way to reach him, but words escaped her now. Staring into his impassive face, her stomach clenched nervously. "Dave..." she said, her voice hoarse.

Leaning his head back against the cushion as he sized her up, he took another sip of the numbing alcohol. "I trusted you," he said, his words hanging in the air between them.

"I know," JJ replied softly, her voice breaking while her heart clenched in her chest. "I'm sorry," she whispered helplessly, knowing her apology changed nothing, but unable to repress the acknowledgement of guilt.

"Me, too," Dave replied grimly, dropping the glass back to the table beside him.

Exhaling a shaky breath, JJ wrapped her arms around herself as she faced him, cold in more than one way. "I'm surprised you're here," she said huskily.

Cocking his head, Dave stared at her. "I'll bet," he snorted, one hand clenching on the arm of the chair. "Honestly, so am I. There was a time in my life where you'd have found me in the nearest bar picking up the closest woman to screw the pain away."

His words tore at her heart, almost shattering what remained of her shredded control. Lifting her chin, she forced herself to ask, "So why aren't you there?"

Eyes flashing as he jerked his chin up a notch, he bit out angrily, "You know why, damn you." Watching her stand silently in front of him, he wanted to howl. "I love you. Any other woman...I could have punished like that. But you...you'd never forgive that. As much as I want to hurt you...I couldn't do...that," he said, lifting his hand uselessly. "I guess I have more self-control than I thought," he growled harshly, pissed at her...pissed at himself.

Biting her lip, JJ swallowed. "I'm glad," she said softly, unable to find any other words to describe her feelings.

"I'm not," Dave snapped with a shake of his dark head. "You deserve to hurt for this, JJ. This wasn't some little white lie you told me. No, no harmless little fib you were directly responsible for. This was a carefully crafted, intricate web of deceit that you maintained for fucking months!" he roared, his deep voice rising with every word.

"I know," JJ said shakily, hugging herself tighter as his eyes condemned her for her part in the treachery. "I take complete responsibility."

And she did. Every time she had opened her mouth, every time she had deliberately spoken a lie over the past few months, she had known that there would one day be this moment of reckoning. And even with that knowledge, she had continued forward in her plan, never wavering. For as much as she loved him, as much as she wanted to read him in and share the burden that weighted down her weakening shoulders, she couldn't risk Emily's safety or the support that the CIA was giving her in her search. She bore responsibility for protecting Emily. She bore responsibility for protecting her team. And she bore the responsibility for deceiving the one man that she truly loved.

"Why?" Dave grunted, shaking his head at her. "You've got a partner in crime to help you shoulder the blame. That's some bond you and Aaron must have formed, huh?" he asked bitterly. "The woman I loved and my best friend in cahoots," he sneered. "Wait...I think I lived that one before. Only at the end of THAT story, I divorced the bitch and found a new friend."

"We aren't married, Dave," JJ replied quietly, letting out a soft sigh as she felt her stomach roil at the statement. "You can walk away any time you choose."

* * *

_**Author's Note: Hello, Friends. A couple of announcements for all of you. First, you still have approximately TWO days to sign up for "The Masquerade Challenge" for October's on "Chit Chat on Author's Corner" forum. We also have a "Freaky Friday" mini-challenge in progress for those interested. Details for both can be found at the forum. We'd love to have all of you sign up. I think we'll have a lot of fun this Halloween Season.**_

_**Second, you all have a little less more than three weeks left to nominate stories for the second Annual Profiler's Choice CM Awards. The nomination ballot, rules and category summaries can be found at "Chit Chat on Author's Corner" forum. To reach that post please either take a trip to the forum OR links are provided on the profile pages of ilovetvalot, Profiler's Choice CM Awards AND tonnie2001969. Nomination ballots should be PM'd to the Profiler's Choice CM Awards ONLY. That link is also provided on the forum or the profile pages listed above. PLEASE REMEMBER, WITHOUT NOMINATED STORIES, THERE CAN BE NO AWARDS! SO, PLEASE, COME OUT AND SUPPORT YOUR FAVORITE FANFIC AUTHORS AND NOMINATE THOSE STORIES. **_

_**ALSO, we would love for our fellow author's to assist us in advertising these awards! Please feel free to copy and paste anything in this author's note or contact us for a pre-written blurb if you like.**_

_**And, please, everyone, feel free to join us over on Facebook! Simply search for "Ilovetvalot Fanfiction" and friend me. We have scores of authors connected together and we'd love to see you there! **_

_**As ever, we appreciate every single one of you that takes the time to read and/or review our stories. Your valuable feedback is deeply appreciated and we love hearing from you!**_

_**And, if we haven't stated it before, we do not own Criminal Minds, but darn, we wish we did!**_


	2. Chapter 2

_**/***NOMINATE, NOMINATE, NOMINATE YOUR FAVORITE STORIES AND AUTHORS IN THE SECOND ANNUAL PROFILER'S CHOICE CM AWARDS HOSTED BY CHIT CHAT ON AUTHOR'S CORNER FORUM! DON'T KNOW HOW? SEE AUTHOR'S NOTE AT THE END OF THIS CHAPTER!***/**_

**BIG ANNOUNCEMENT: In an effort to encourage our fellow authors and readers to take a moment and nominate their favorite fics and authors in the Profiler's Choice CM Awards hosted by "Chit Chat on Author's Corner", we will be offering two $10.00 Amazon gift cards to two randomly selected nominators. The only rule is that you must nominate in at least TEN categories! Winners will be announced October 16! So put on those thinking caps and NOMINATE!**

* * *

**To Thine Self Be True**

**Chapter Two**

"Yeah," Dave snorted, slamming his fist against the table, the lamp rattling against the wood, "because it's THAT fucking simple, JJ! There's more than just you and me to consider here. There's Henry! Walking away from you means I lose you BOTH! And I'll be fucking damned if I do what his father did," he said furiously.

"Then what do you propose we do here, Dave? Because I can't take back the choices I made," she said softly, shifting her weight from one foot to another as she tried to find her balance, "and if I'm completely honest with you now, I wouldn't if I could."

His eyed narrowed dangerously as he felt his blood pressure raise another few notches. "You know, for somebody that appears to want this relationship to work, you have a funny way of showing it."

"I told you after we got back from the airport tonight that I was through lying to you. Doyle's dead...Emily is finally home safely. My job is done," she said bluntly, forcing herself to maintain eye contact with him no matter how piercing his gaze became.

"Not here it isn't," Dave warned, his eyes narrowing dangerously as he stared into her baby blues. "If you don't want me to walk out the front door, you'll explain what you meant by saying that you don't regret your actions. You fucking lied, JJ. To me. The guy that you've been sleeping beside for months."

"I know what I did!" JJ exploded, months worth of tension finally bubbling over and overtaking her normally well-heeled control. "I also know that I wasn't given a choice."

"There are ALWAYS choices, Jennifer," Dave said flatly, planting his feet squarely against the floor as he leaned forward. "The only people that deny that are the ones that didn't like the options they were given."

"That isn't true," JJ denied sharply, pushing her hair behind her ear. "I knew Emily was alive, Dave. That's a fact that I can't deny. But here's another...if I had opened my mouth...if I'd let one tiny thing slip, Emily's entire future could have been jeopardized. But not JUST her future...everyone that had any ties to her ass well. That meant Declan...Hotch...YOU! It was made crystal clear to me from the powers that be that they would have absolutely no problem pulling the support they'd offered Emily. They would have left her at Doyle's mercy! Is that something YOU could have lived with? Because I couldn't! I knew what I was risking by going along with it all, but I prayed that one day you could look at all the information and at least understand a little bit."

"JJ..."

"And another thing!" JJ bit out as she took a step forward, gaining steam as all the emotions she'd kept bottled inside her for months rose to the surface, "If you think that staying together out of some misguided sense of obligation is the answer, then you're insane. I already tried that with one man. As you can see, he's not around any longer. Why, you ask?" she laughed hollowly. "Because it doesn't work, Rossi!"

"You're confusing obligation with love, JJ," Dave corrected her in a low voice, pushing up from the chair. "I love you. I love Henry. I'm here because no matter how much you hurt me, I'm still in love with you. I'm here because even on our shittiest day together, there isn't any other place that feels like home. But all of that doesn't mean that I don't feel like you betrayed me."

"Makes sense." JJ nodded stiffly as her nails dug into her arms, the pain somehow centering her in the midst of the sudden storm. "I did betray you. But not because I ever wanted to. Every day since Emily's alleged death, I've lived with the icy cold fear that when you learned the truth, I'd lose you," she whispered. "Every single day, I'd wonder if this was the one where I was going to watch you walk away from me," she forced herself to continue. "And every day, I knew that if you did, I'd deserve it," she sighed almost helplessly.

"That's why you pulled away from me, wasn't it? It's why you were so distant. You were trying to brace yourself for what you thought would happen," Dave said, all the pieces slowly falling into place as the events of the last seven months began to slide into position.

Dropping her gaze to the floor as she felt herself suddenly flush, JJ nodded tensely. "Sometimes I thought about just ending things. But..."

"But, what?" Dave questioned, his voice softer than it had been earlier.

"But I loved you, too, and I selfishly wanted every moment I could get," she admitted with a cracking voice, her attempt to stop the tears failing drastically. "I wanted every memory I could make."

Releasing a heavy breath, Dave grimaced as he watched JJ's shoulders shake, her silent sobs rocking her small frame. "Damn it, Jennifer," he muttered tightly, his body already moving up and out of the chair toward her. Unable to watch her cry, he pulled her against him and held her tightly as she buried her wet face against his neck.

"I am sorry. I'm sorry for what this has done to us. But, I couldn't risk innocent lives. I just couldn't," she cried as her fingers dug into his shirt.

Closing his eyes as he heard the raw pain reflected in her statement...the utter despair clouding every utterance, he sighed, resting his chin against her head while his arms tightened reflexively around her body. "Shhhh," he soothed, rocking her in his arms.

"You don't understand!" JJ shook her head against him, squeezing her eyes closed as she tried to stop the flood that was overtaking her. "I'm horrible, Dave," she choked. "Today...when I found out Emily was coming back...I wasn't happy...I was terrified. I tried telling Hotch no. All I could think is what it meant for me...for us...and I wanted to stall it as long as I could. What kind of person does that make me?" she asked hoarsely.

"Human," Dave replied wearily, winding his hand in her hair, wrapping strands around his fingers. " It makes you human."

"How can you say that?" JJ asked, leaning back to look up into his shadowed face. How had she ever thought she could live without seeing that face every morning…every night…every moment?

"I can say it for the same reason I can still say I love you. Because it's true," Dave offered simply, drawing her closer.

Leaning heavily against him, JJ inhaled deeply, his rich masculine scent comforting her. "I glad you didn't give up on me."

"One thing I've learned after three marriages, JJ, is that you have to be willing to fight for the people you love. Walking away would have been the easy choice. That doesn't mean it would have been the right one. Staying and fighting for us might be hard, but it's worth it."

"Because of Henry?" JJ whispered hesitantly.

"Henry's a part of it," Dave replied honestly, his words coming out as a sigh. "But the bigger part of it is that I love his mother more deeply than I ever remember loving three wives before her. I think that's worth fighting for."

He wasn't offering his forgiveness. He wasn't absolving her of her transgression.

But what he'd given her was infinitely more precious.

Because she had his heart.

_**Finis**_

* * *

_**Author's Note: Hello, Friends. A couple of announcements for all of you. First, you still have approximately ONE days to sign up for "The Masquerade Challenge" for October's on "Chit Chat on Author's Corner" forum. We also have a "Freaky Friday" mini-challenge in progress for those interested. Details for both can be found at the forum. We'd love to have all of you sign up. I think we'll have a lot of fun this Halloween Season.**_

_**Second, you all have a little less more than three weeks left to nominate stories for the second Annual Profiler's Choice CM Awards. The nomination ballot, rules and category summaries can be found at "Chit Chat on Author's Corner" forum. To reach that post please either take a trip to the forum OR links are provided on the profile pages of ilovetvalot, Profiler's Choice CM Awards AND tonnie2001969. Nomination ballots should be PM'd to the Profiler's Choice CM Awards ONLY. That link is also provided on the forum or the profile pages listed above. PLEASE REMEMBER, WITHOUT NOMINATED STORIES, THERE CAN BE NO AWARDS! SO, PLEASE, COME OUT AND SUPPORT YOUR FAVORITE FANFIC AUTHORS AND NOMINATE THOSE STORIES. **_

_**ALSO, we would love for our fellow author's to assist us in advertising these awards! Please feel free to copy and paste anything in this author's note or contact us for a pre-written blurb if you like.**_

_**And, please, everyone, feel free to join us over on Facebook! Simply search for "Ilovetvalot Fanfiction" and friend me. We have scores of authors connected together and we'd love to see you there! **_

_**As ever, we appreciate every single one of you that takes the time to read and/or review our stories. Your valuable feedback is deeply appreciated and we love hearing from you!**_

_**And, if we haven't stated it before, we do not own Criminal Minds, but darn, we wish we did!**_


End file.
